I know I’m about to do a bit of soul spilling but I got to the conclusion that unless I write about the real stuff in my life, this blog is no use. I don’t wanna be a wannabe blogger, do I? Partially, for this post, I was inspired by Tiffany C. Myers who wrote the most inspirational blog post about finding the right guy and what does God have to do with it. And, I’ve always wanted to write about this, especially when it consumes my thoughts a lot.
You might have noticed how I never talk about boys. I mean, apart from posting (from time to time) photos of some handsome beau I wish to be married to. The reason I never talk about boys is because…there are none. I’ve always been on the shy side, utterly shy with no self-confidence what so ever. Basically, looking back at my life, there were not many boys interested in me in the first place. And yes, I am experiencing a period of my life while asking questions such as Am I THAT uninteresting? Am I THAT unattractive? And I know there are many, many girls and women asking the same questions, right now. I think my problem might be in the fact that I believe in meeting the right guy, and not mr. right now. By problem I mean the long lasting wait for that guy. I don’t think believing in perfect matching souls is a problem. I am not a picky person, I hope not. The guys I find attractive would never hit the prettiest men alive list. But, they are attractive to me. It really is not about the looks, it’s about the air around them, the feeling of mystery, as if they are uninterested in the world and yet think about it all the time. KAY, got bit carried away. And we are back on the issue of waiting. I need to learn how to let go and give all the problems to God and let Him do His work, including my guy! I might sound pathetic but what is so pathetic about wishing to be loved, in a romantic way and you know, loved for life! I might be idealistic but I think whatever God brings together it is worth working on.
For quite some time I have been experiencing moments of misery, the thoughts of There is no one for me, I’m ugly, uninteresting, not worth it sometimes crumble up and you know, the usual, self pitting stuff. The worst thing about it is the thought of being the one responsible for your unhappiness, like the fact that I have junk in the trunk and not looking a certain way, or don’t go out as much,… Then you start thinking Oh, maybe If I loose weight, then I’ll get the right guy! which is forever S T U P I D! I realized that if I get the guy that way, he is certainly not THE guy. Even though it is stupid, moments like this emerge quite often, it is something you can’t control. But, right now I’m slowly starting to let go (even though not completely) of desperately wanting a guy ’cause it is not up to me, anyway. And yes, I do believe in the power of prayer, been doing that for quite some time. Ok, not gonna lie, I’m not praying everyday for THE guy but, I do pray. I’m not worried about the judgmental world saying Go, have fun, there are is no true love, just sex! The longer the wait, the more I’ll cherish this gift from God.
I don’t think I’m done writing on the subject and there sure will be more posts like this. You know, to share thoughts along the way. Also, I am sorry for the scatter-ness of my thoughts in the post for I am not a writer but, I speak from the heart. Love you all, God bless!
p.s. THE guy, if there is a miraculous chance that you’re reading this, you’re not funny. AT ALL!