I speak of romance known only from Jane Austen novels

I know I’m about to do a bit of soul spilling but I got to the conclusion that unless I write about the real stuff in my life, this blog is no use. I don’t wanna be a wannabe blogger, do I? Partially, for this post, I was inspired by Tiffany C. Myers who wrote the most inspirational blog post about finding the right guy and what does God have to do with it. And, I’ve always wanted to write about this, especially when it consumes my thoughts a lot.
You might have noticed how I never talk about boys. I mean, apart from posting (from time to time) photos of some handsome beau I wish to be married to. The reason I never talk about boys is because…there are none. I’ve always been on the shy side, utterly shy with no self-confidence what so ever. Basically, looking back at my life, there were not many boys interested in me in the first place. And yes, I am experiencing a period of my life while asking questions such as Am I THAT uninteresting? Am I THAT unattractive? And I know there are many, many girls and women asking the same questions, right now. I think my problem might be in the fact that I believe in meeting the right guy, and not mr. right now. By problem I mean the long lasting wait for that guy. I don’t think believing in perfect matching souls is a problem. I am not a picky person, I hope not. The guys I find attractive would never hit the prettiest men alive list. But, they are attractive to me. It really is not about the looks, it’s about the air around them, the feeling of mystery, as if they are uninterested in the world and yet think about it all the time. KAY, got bit carried away. And we are back on the issue of waiting. I need to learn how to let go and give all the problems to God and let Him do His work, including my guy! I might sound pathetic but what is so pathetic about wishing to be loved, in a romantic way and you know, loved for life! I might be idealistic but I think whatever God brings together it is worth working on.
For quite some time I have been experiencing moments of misery, the thoughts of There is no one for me, I’m ugly, uninteresting, not worth it sometimes crumble up and you know, the usual, self pitting stuff. The worst thing about it is the thought of being the one responsible for your unhappiness, like the fact that I have junk in the trunk and not looking a certain way, or don’t go out as much,… Then you start thinking Oh, maybe If I loose weight, then I’ll get the right guy! which is forever S T U P I D! I realized that if I get the guy that way, he is certainly not THE guy. Even though it is stupid, moments like this emerge quite often, it is something you can’t control. But, right now I’m slowly starting to let go (even though not completely) of desperately wanting a guy ’cause it is not up to me, anyway. And yes, I do believe in the power of prayer, been doing that for quite some time. Ok, not gonna lie, I’m not praying everyday for THE guy but, I do pray. I’m not worried about the judgmental world saying Go, have fun, there are is no true love, just sex! The longer the wait, the more I’ll cherish this gift from God.
I don’t think I’m done writing on the subject and there sure will be more posts like this. You know, to share thoughts along the way. Also, I am sorry for the scatter-ness of my thoughts in the post for I am not a writer but, I speak from the heart. Love you all, God bless!
p.s. THE guy, if there is a miraculous chance that you’re reading this, you’re not funny. AT ALL!
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  1. Reply

    Iryna Yeroshko

    November 18, 2011

    i feel like you’re my soul sister =)

  2. Reply

    Ines Perkovic

    November 18, 2011

    :) Now, lets find soul mates :DD

  3. Reply

    Ines Perkovic

    November 18, 2011

    what I meant was “high five!” :D

  4. Reply

    Kelly Kim

    November 18, 2011

    Just follow the stream which is made by GOD :-)
    Let it be…. He will be there for u at the right time

  5. Reply

    Lilly...

    November 18, 2011

    Odličan post! Kakvo bih ja žensko bila da se nisam u njemu našla? :)) Jesam, ali nekako mi iskustvo, u zadnje vrijeme barem, ide u prilog tomu da pravi nađe nas… Uostalom razočarenja i neuspjesi nužni su da bismo došli do rasta, a onda se valjda i puzzle poslože na prava mjesta… :)) Samo treba vjerovati!

    Blog je odličan, lijep pozdrav i… navrati ponekad! ;)) Lilly

  6. Reply

    Lilla Indigo

    November 19, 2011

    Bok! Ovaj tvoj post me se duboko dojmio jer razmišljam o sličnim stvarima. Preporučam ti knjigu Formule ljubavi (Z. Milivojević), ona mi je razjasnila mnoge stvari.
    Sviđaju mi se tvoje fotke, pratim već neko vrijeme.
    Svrati do mog bloga, ostavila sam ti nagradu.
    Pozdrav:)

  7. Reply

    Mariana

    November 20, 2011

    Hi, first time I comment here. Have you read “Praying for your future husband” from Robin Jones Gunn? It is one of my favorite books about this. kisses

  8. Reply

    Roberta

    November 20, 2011

    well, if you stand still praying and hoping you will never find the man of your life. Soul mates can even exist, but expect it will arrive on a white horse and say he loves you and has spent a lifetime looking for you is just silly. love is built over time, but for you build it you have to go out, meet people and make them like you. and to make someone like you, you must first love yourself. and you need a seriously raised in this self-esteem. I saw picture of you, because I follow your blog, your flickr … and you is not even a bit ugly, and neither seems to me overweight, but it is extremely insecure. go out, put nice clothes, have fun and smile a lot! so you and the man in your life will be able to meet, know and live happily ever after. happened to me, will happen to you. you just need to allow yourself! jane austen’s heroines do it too, they do not stay at home waiting and wishing. they live!

  9. Reply

    Ines Perkovic

    November 20, 2011

    @Mariana – will have to find that book, I so want to read it.

    @Roberta – the thing is, I am not standing still, I go out as much as I can and am always on the look out. I am not praying to God to open up a roof and land the prince directly into my room :)) I see your point, actions are needed but still I pray God to bring the moment of the meeting closer and that he really is the right for me and that I will able to see that.
    My problem has been stressing about it, like I was never gonna find the one which then turns into “no one likes me cause I’m yada yada yada” and that was a serious problem for me.
    I admit it, I wasn’t much into going out for years but for the last year I’ve started going out again. I put on cool clothes and spend hours doing makeup (well, I’m a makeup freak and sometimes the highlight of going out is putting on makeup) which I’m pretty good at, I mean, it looks good, I look good. And still, no one even seems interested to keep an eye on more for more than one-two times and only because I’m in their area of sight. Haha. And that’s where my questions start. Why? Oh man. :)

    Thank you, to all the girls, for your comments that made me really happy and bubbly inside :) ♥

  10. Reply

    Anonymous

    November 22, 2011

    when i was younger i used to be really shy and people used to say that i was ugly, weird and things like that. i’m 25 now and sometimes my self-esteem really goes down the drain… when i go out or something i’m always “the friend”, “the nice girl” everything but “the girl” and it always remid me of those stupid people that used to say these things from me and if they were really right!!! i listen to people’s life story and they sound so funny and they always have something interesting to say..
    i never had a boyfriend and at my age it is really starting to concern me A LOT. i walk on the streets and when i see a nice guy i think: “It is him??” and sometimes i even start to dream up a story of how we met each other, how we started dating and everything!!! i know this is ridiculous, but sometimes is good to dream a bit, when your reallity is not that good :(
    i remeber that when i was in high school i used to say: in college i’ll find my soul mate… i graduated and… nothing… then i went abroad for a couple of months and i thought “that’s it!!! my soul mate is really far from me!!! that’s where i’m going to find him!!!” guess what??? nothing at all….
    so, i’m doing some classes right now but no one really interested me, but last week i heard a voice and when i looked, you know when you see the person that just matches all your “requirements”??? Hair: checked, clothes: checked, smile: more than checked :) but he doesn’t really look at my face and i’m too shy to go there and talk to him anything :// and i just found out that he’s going to change classe… ok, i’m used to it :( i will overcome as I did a thousand times before :/
    I also pray to God for it, but sometimes I’m really angry that I just think I should focus my praying in something really more worth it, as healthy for me and my family and happiness. If He wants me to be “alone”, that’s what I’m going to be :)
    I’m sorry for the big comment >_<
    Jess

  11. Reply

    Ines Perkovic

    November 22, 2011

    @Jess – you basically just told the story of my life :) Have to admit, I was also “just a friend” & “a fat friend” while going out with my friends. And with that attitude I would often leave my house to meet them to go out, which as I look back, was really stupid of me to think of. Well, I won’t lie, that WAS a fact but none, including me, should think of themselves any less worth it because of it. Basically, I was setting the timer for the bomb of my self-esteem to blow up and leave me with nothing and NOTHING to look forward to and maybe, just maybe, meeting someone that night.
    Girl, if I could give you a dime for every “Is that him?” while on the train, street, gas station, bus station, bar, college, even in my own home when dad brought home his friend’s younger brother, you would be rich! Haha!
    Right now, no one interests me which, I have a feeling, confuses me. I mean, how is it possible that no one is the object of my attraction? I would love the answer for this to be “Because God has a special package for you, soon!” I am a dreamer and a believer :)
    One thing that really helped me was that blog post by Tiffany C. Myers. It really opened my eyes a bit and gave me hope. And that is the fact – IF YOU HAVE A DESIRE IN YOUR HEART FOR HAVING A HUSBAND THEN GOD WILL BRING HIM TO YOU! Which, as I look at it now, TOTALY MAKES SENCE! A note to myself: Read your Bible more! I was aware of that verse from the Bible:
    “Trust in the LORD and do good;
    Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
    Delight yourself in the LORD;
    And He will give you the desires of your heart.
    Commit your way to the LORD,
    Trust also in Him, and He will do it. Psalm 37:3-5″
    I never understood it completely, until I read her blog post. And then it hit me and I thought to myself “Never again will I think there is no one for me out there!” because now I’m completely positive there is! And before reading her blog, that night, I asked God to show me the Bible verse that could apply to my situation in life, boys and everything else. Now I think THIS was the eye opening moment, that verse is the one I was thinking of for God to show it to me. How simple is this?! Like, if you have a desire, a good desire, He has a boy for you! Like, woohoooo! So, after this monologue, the bottom of line is – NEVER TO STOP PRAYING. When you think of the boy, you don’t even have to say it, just say to God to take care of him and bring him to you.
    Yeah, sorry for the big reply!Hehe

    Ines

  12. Reply

    akane kinomoto

    November 25, 2011

    I hope you don’t find this weird, but I think you’re a wonderful person. =)

    People should be able to follow their dreams and their beliefs and you’re doing just that. That’s inspiring…
    Beautiful and heartfelt post. never give up.

  13. Reply

    Anonymous

    December 15, 2011

    Hi Ines,

    Boy ohh boy, how do I even explain my thoughts. I’ve been following your Flickr, facebook and blog for quite a while. One reason is the obvious reason, which is how I love your photography. The second is how much I can relate to you. It started off with me falling in love with your photography on flickr, to becoming facebook friends, to reading your blog and seeing how much similarity we have.

    First off, you are very far from “unattractive” or “uninteresting.” That is not you at all. You’re so much more than that. You are so full of life. You remind me of a locked treasure chest. It looks normal on the surface, but one must somehow find the key and unlock it to see the treasure, and even more, the value.

    I feel just like you about boys. I’m 19, and I know that’s still young, but I haven’t had a boyfriend either. Almost everyone at my school has been in a relationship. It’s not even about having a boyfriend. It’s about the fact that like you, it seems no guys even take a second glance at me or seem the slight bit interested in getting to know me. It’s not like they actually took the time to get to know me and THEN found me uninteresting or unattractive or whatever, it’s that they won’t even approach me… and because of this, and because of my lack of experience, it has really brought down my self esteem causing me to ask myself “why me?” and “what’s wrong with me?”.. I think and think about it, wondering how so many girls, ranging from pretty to obese to stupid to downright “not so pretty” get guys, but for me it’s so hard. Everyone tells me I’m so smart, interesting, eccentric, funny, etc, but then why is it so hard for a guy to see that? Why do some people seem to attract guys like bees to honey? I’ve thought about this for quite some time now, and here’s what I figured:
    Everything happens for a reason. I think God has planned our whole lives to be drawn out in the way it was meant to happen. He knows of our pain and suffering, he knows what we want in life, but he isn’t giving it a quick fix because he knows there’s a good reason for it.
    Ines, you’re still young. The longer you wait, the more you will appreciate what comes to you. It’s like saving up for something really luxurious and meaningful instead of just getting something cheap right away. I can’t predict the future, but I doubt you are going to be alone forever. Maybe right now God doesn’t feel it’s the right time for you to be in a relationship. Maybe there is another priority at this time. There will probably be another stage in your life where the time will be right. You may not be aware of the exact reasons behind why things happen, but you have to believe that what happens was put there for a reason, and you have to have hope that sometime in the long life ahead of you, you will be much farther ahead than all the other people who had their luck early on..

    I know how hard it can be… being an introvert and seeing the world through a different color than the rest… But why be like everyone else? They may appear to have less misery and internal suffering than us, but they often lack the insight and uniqueness that is so rare to find in someone… they’re not as “special” as us. They will continue living their lives, and people like us will have more strength and success in the long run.

    -Jessica C (I’m your friend on facebook :)

  14. Reply

    Ines Perkovic

    December 16, 2011

    @Akane Kinomoto – Thank you :) It really means a lot for my poor self-esteem. :)

    @Jessica – *giving you a virtual hug* One of the reasons I opened up on the subject is the response from you guys. I know I’m not the only one in the world thinking and going through the same stuff. And yes, the worst off all is the non stop question “Ok, if I’m interesting, funny and cute, then why boys don’t bother to look my way let alone approach me?” I guess, this is where the faith kicks in. Simply, we don’t get to know why some things are the way they are. The problem is – excepting that! On the other hand, I know girls who started dating at young age and personally, I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes. I don’t wanna sound like I judge them or anything but for some things I am grateful to God for. Like, for saving me from mistakes of my past that I could have made and such. Since I wrote the post above I’ve been feeling a lot better and kinda going with the flow. No, that does not mean I cut out all the thoughts on my future boyfriend but I accepted that I can not control it. Mazel tov to me! Haha

    P.S. I think one of the most comforting things about waiting for the perfect guy is the though of his existence and that God knows who he is and looking at him right now :)))

  15. Reply

    Asja

    December 19, 2011

    Hello Ines!
    Prvi put sam naišla na tvoje fotke (koje su predivene btw)preko flickra,zatim opet preko Isidorine trampe, a danas sam sasvim slučajno došla i do tvog bloga i počela čitati. Ovaj post me posebno zaintrigirao i zapravo sam poželjela podijeliti svoje iskustvo s tobom, možda ti na neki način pomogne :)Naime,od svoje cca 20-te pa do 28. nisam bila ni u kakvoj vezi,ništa, jednostavno nisam osjećala pravu povezanost s nikim iako sam izlazila, upoznavala ljude, itd. I onda sam upoznala onog pravog (i to preko flickra!),muškarca koji je moja srodna duša u svakom pogledu i iako je on Amerikanac iz Kalifornije, a ja živim u Hrvatskoj jednostavno se sve posložilo,on je počeo dolaziti u Hrvatsku, gradimo život skupa i zaista smo sretni i ispunjeni. Iz ove perspektive, drago mi je što sam tako dugo bila solo jer vjerujem da mi je to vrijeme dano da upoznam sebe, razvijam se i učim, a ljubav je došla u trentku kad sam postala zrela za pravu vezu i to na najnavjerojatniji mogući način:)
    Da ne duljim, vjerujem da za sve postoji razlog i da je tvoj Mr. Right na putu!

  16. Reply

    Hannah

    December 21, 2011

    Amen, sista!! =) I think you’re a kindred spirit… =)

  17. Reply

    mondomulia.com

    December 21, 2011

    I have been the same things for years (especially the losing weight bit) but 4 years ago I met the perfect guy for me who loves me just the way I am! I don’t believe there is only one guy that is perfect for us, the true love. You can fall in love with anybody, at the right moment and place. You just have to keep looking and not be afraid to try! :)

  18. Reply

    Parka

    January 7, 2012

    Start taking more photos of people. That would seriously increase your chances of meeting the right guy.

    I love your photos.

    All the best

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